I read a devotional today, fittingly, about repentance and remorse. I get it, Lord! :) Still doing OK with the lifestyle changes, although last night before dinner I thought I was going to starve. It did the job, prompting me to seek God for help, but my mind was still on food all night. I ate a larger dinner than I thought I should, but I'm trying to figure out what is necessary to eat while breastfeeding (they say you need 300-500 extra calories a day) vs. what I'm craving beyond necessity. I just read this article that says: "When exclusively nursing a young baby, it is very common to feel hungry much of the time... listen to your body." OK, so that's helpful if I was simply trying to maintain my current weight, but what about if I'm NOT? How do I determine how many calories I need for breastfeeding while I'm cutting back my own? I guess I should make sure to give myself some lenience anyway with nursing, but also with my milk production increasing because 3 month-old Genevieve is entering a major growth spurt. But it's TOUGH! I've always just eaten what I hungered for, and usually my metabolism would make up for any dietary indiscretions. Welcome to adulthood - it doesn't work that way anymore!

With all that said, I still have to keep it in my mind that I'm not trying to discipline myself for some arbitrary reason. I am paying attention to my physical self primarily for my spiritual health. Because I truly do believe I am currently sinning in my: excessive eating (past the point of fullness), eating unhealthy foods (cinnamon rolls, buttery popcorn, ice cream), and obsessing in my mind about eating (an "emptiness" that isn't able to be filled with food). I told Michael last night that if we REALLY understood the concept of our bodies being a temple of the Holy Spirit - the magnitude and privilege of that honor - we'd be more respectful of it. Sure, as Dawn said to me, we'd wonder about the spiritual health of a church if the outside of the building was run-down (likewise the outsides of our bodies), but I think the better focus is not how others view us, but how God does. Do I REALLY believe God who says His Spirit lives IN ME when I treat my body this way?

Father, help me develop a very real sense of the awesome honor it is to be a temple for your Spirit. Remind me frequently that Satan will try to make this repentance and discipline into a diet and weight loss program. Give me the patience and perseverance to deal with the daily struggle of it. Make me continually come to YOU and YOU ALONE for my satisfaction. I love you, Lord.