"Can a sinner be turned into a saint? Can a twisted life be made right? There is only one appropriate answer— "O Lord God, You know" (Ezekiel 37:3). Never forge ahead with your religious common sense and say, "Oh, yes, with just a little more Bible reading, devotional time, and prayer, I see how it can be done."

It is much easier to do something than to trust in God; we see the activity and mistake panic for inspiration. That is why we see so few fellow workers with God, yet so many people working for God. We would much rather work for God than believe in Him. Do I really believe that God will do in me what I cannot do? The degree of hopelessness I have for others comes from never realizing that God has done anything for me. Is my own personal experience such a wonderful realization of God’s power and might that I can never have a sense of hopelessness for anyone else I see? Has any spiritual work been accomplished in me at all? The degree of panic activity in my life is equal to the degree of my lack of personal spiritual experience.

"Behold, O My people, I will open your graves . . ." (Ezekiel 37:12). When God wants to show you what human nature is like separated from Himself, He shows it to you in yourself. If the Spirit of God has ever given you a vision of what you are apart from the grace of God (and He will only do this when His Spirit is at work in you), then you know that in reality there is no criminal half as bad as you yourself could be without His grace. My "grave" has been opened by God and "I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells" (Romans 7:18). God’s Spirit continually reveals to His children what human nature is like apart from His grace." My Utmost For His Highest

First of all, Lord, I want to acknowledge before You that my statement "I hold fast to You" was not entirely accurate. I don't pretend to think there won't be days that I simply release my grasp on You. Sometimes because I willfully disobey, but probably mostly because my attention has been drawn elsewhere and I get distracted by the things I set in Your place. My mind has a picture of me, reaching a wide arm to the hem of Your garment, clinging fast while the rest of my entire body is turned away, neck straining, head turned fully and almost impatiently away from You. That's not the kind of holding fast You desire. It reads "oh yes, of course God is important to me, but I've got so many other THINGS in life I have to attend to... You understand, my dear... of course you do."

So today I say to You. Forgive me for my sins. Forgive me for whoring after other things that do not satisfy. I have been so occupied with "fun" things that my appetite for You has been squelched. But I have it back now, oh God!!!

How many times will You forgive me? How many times can I play the adulteress and then come running back to You? But oh Lord, You are the ever-waiting father who is looking out of the horizon for His Prodigal Daughter. Waiting with eager legs to come running to me and pick me up out of my sin, dust off my knees dirty from bowing to the swine of my affairs, wipe away my bitter tears, and hold me close. How many celebration banquets have You thrown for me? OK, so maybe just the one when I was truly "found". I have been found for 7 years this August, Lord God!!! And yet in that short time, I have turned away so many times, who can count them?

Yet each repentance You accept me back with Love in Your eyes. You do not remember my sins, but give me a clean start. Every minute can begin fresh. There may be times where I need every minute to BE fresh. Please let this not be the time. But Lord, I humble myself in adoration of You. For You, the One who is able to keep me from falling. Blameless and with great JOY! WOW! Give me the right words to use to seek forgiveness from my husband as well. I can always tell when something is wrong in my relationship with You because it begins to bleed into my marriage. The selfishness and distracted thoughts I've had this past week has effecting Michael as well. I'm so sorry, Lord.

Thank You for giving me the opportunity to see my family again this weekend. Make it apparent that Your love is worth seeking, that the abundance of Your grace is beyond the depth of any sin, and that You alone are God. I love You, Abba!