"Never choose to be a worker for God, but once God has placed His call on you, woe be to you if you "turn aside to the right hand or to the left" ( Deuteronomy 5:32 ). We are not here to work for God because we have chosen to do so, but because God has "laid hold of" us. And once He has done so, we never have this thought, "Well, I’m really not suited for this." What you are to preach is also determined by God, not by your own natural leanings or desires. Keep your soul steadfastly related to God, and remember that you are called not simply to convey your testimony but also to preach the gospel. Every Christian must testify to the truth of God, but when it comes to the call to preach, there must be the agonizing grip of God’s hand on you— your life is in the grip of God for that very purpose." My Utmost For His Highest

There is a pair of Japanese beetles outside the window next to me right now. They are trapped within a vented jar my son and his grandma used today for their bug safari. What's interesting is not that they are there, but that they apparently happen to be male and female and the aggressive male is not letting his lust object go. But now that they have, I see they are both stuck on their backs on the slick bottle bottom. And now they are free but separately struggling as hard as they can to scale the impossibly high walls. Now even trying to fly and failing miserably to drop yet again on their backs. Is this what we look like to You sometimes, Lord? With a transparent wall of unbelief standing between us and freedom? Struggling our hardest in our own strength using our own tools to get free, never realizing that if only we were to appeal to Your mercy You could twist off the cap with a flick of Your wrist, reach in gently, and pull us out... even put us back on our feet? What stiff necks, hard hearts, and shells of pride we carry on our backs! I am sorry, Lord, for hearing but not listening. Struggling like a jarred beetle.

We have been learning about miracles in the Believing God bible study by Beth Moore. During this time, I became very sick with a stomach flu and was miserable for several days. I could feel myself being unpleasant to live with and knowing that I shouldn't need to be this affected in my mood just because my body was unwell. I KNOW I have a choice not to be moody, but yet I feel completely helpless (and maybe a little glad that I don't have to act better than I feel) to change it in the moment. So I was doing my study and came to a point about how part of the reason God doesn't perform as many obvious miracles during these times is because we don't believe He can or will. I cautiously asked the Lord to heal my sickness. And while I felt a little relief after that (which Doubt says was all in my head), I didn't get instantly better. I figured that was OK - I wasn't demanding anything of Him and didn't expect that every request would be answered the way I wanted. But then we had our video lesson and she mentioned that God reserves the right to prefer to answer with the priority on the SPIRITUAL health of a person instead of the physical. So the Holy Spirit hit me (later) with the revelation that I was asking for the smaller miracle and He denied me the physical because He wanted to teach me that spiritual truth! The easier thing to do would have been to heal my sickness. The MUCH harder thing is to heal my mood and whatever spiritual darkness I was experiencing. I would much rather miraculously be content and joyful whatever the circumstances than to get miraculously healed of every circumstance! Both are absolute miracles of God. I am foolish to think that seen miracles are greater than unseen ones! If we could only see the spiritual victories that happen inside our brothers and sisters in Christ, we would be praising the Lord for His amazing miracles far more often, I think!

Hallelujah Lord Almighty! You are an awesome God! I praise You and I thank You that I am Your miracle and that every victory I allow You to have in me is the most radical show of Your power! Help me rejoice over my friends and family when they have similar miracles sown into their lives. Help me be thankful as well for the many physical blessings You have been so faithful to provide! The house You made for us is WONDERFUL! I love it and I love YOU so much!