Some of us have already betrayed Jesus at the heart-level. Often it is a slow, subtle shift from being fully devoted to Him, to following the seductive lure of personal pleasure or gain. Hearts dedicated to cash and comfort are quick to bail when Jesus calls us to sacrifice and suffer for Him. But, whether the betrayal is “big” or seemingly small, it is always in the face of His love. That’s what makes it so wrong, so brazen. When we lose the wonder of His amazing love for us, when we fail to look at His nail-scarred hands, when we start taking His daily provision for granted, we run the risk of cultivating a compromised heart.

What issues in your heart might threaten to derail your commitment to Christ? If you’re not sure, ask Him to reveal those areas to you—just as He revealed the reality of Judas’ imminent betrayal—and then pray that He will break down any stubbornness that might keep you from responding to His love." Strength for the Journey by Joe Stowell

Oh God! I don't know what to say or what to do! We have been dancing on the line together and I have been slowly stepping onto the other side. Yes, I do remember a few times Your Spirit spoke to me and I ignored Him. I don't remember what I said no to, but I know I did. Yes, I did keep watching HGTV and Foodnetwork even though I knew it was a temptation. Yes, I do keep spending endless minutes doing "research" for landscaping and home decorating. I don't know what to say, Lord. I am ashamed. I have been caught red-handed and red-faced. I have been lusting, not turning my eyes and heart away from the things that would lead me from You. I don't even know WHY, for goodness sake!!! Why have I done this? I don't feel that I have been divorced from Your Spirit, but that I've committed adultery. I want nothing more than to love You with my all, to be in love with You as Beth Moore has reminded me. But then the next minute I want lots of things more? Of course, not APART from You, but in addition to You - as if there was anything to ADD?!?!? As if what I have isn't gone the moment I reach for something else?

No, You are not the least bit fickle. I am. Even as I hurt You again and again, I don't think Your wrath burns against me as it did against Israel. After all, Your Spirit is the mark and shield upon me that reconciles my sinful flesh to Your Holy Holy Holy Presence. So why in the face of my Rock and Fortress, my Mighty Tower and Refuge, my Savior and Redeemer, my Healer and Restorer of Broken Walls, the One who has rescued me from my teenage Egyptian slavery into my own Promised Land, do I feel unsatisfied? What makes me think that I am missing something? Why can't I rely upon a daily morning filling of Your Spirit, the ration for today's needs, and the overflow of blessings that await my obedient actions? Why am I so stubborn and so clueless? Why shouldn't I be steady, solid, and sure as a mom and wife? Why do I now feel like a reed blowing in the wind? As if I built a foundation on sand, or sail an anchorless vessel? Why do I act like what I'm not and feel the way I shouldn't?

What is the answer, Lord? How do I get from here to there? How do I transform the state of my faith from that which relies upon good circumstances to that which relies upon Your love? Why do I seek satisfaction when I should be seeking You? Why do I look for answers to my issues when I should be looking for Your face? Where are You, oh my God, my King, my everything? Wipe away the yearnings for anything else but You! Shine me so that Your glory can once again be seen on my tarnished exterior! Make my soul radiant with Your Light! Lead me out of darkness and into Your arms! Fold me into Your wing, take me by the arms, stoop down to feed me. If I act like a child, treat me as one. But let me learn Your wisdom. Let me praise You like the most eloquent poet. Let me know You as Moses did, face to face. Get me there, Lord, because no matter how many times I go back to square one, I am aching to be to the finish line, walking beside You closer than ever possible on earth. Pull me closer and closer - don't let me stumble! Even though we human parents strive to help our children walk independently of us, Your goal as our Heavenly parent is to make us so dependent on You that we never take a breath apart from Your rhythms! May it be so, Lord God! May it be so! I want to rise with a song in my heart. I want to dream the dreams You have for me. envision the visions You've prepared for me. I want to know no other god, no other master, no other desire but You alone! And I know that in You, there is a divine YES! to that request. May it be so.