"Existence turns to life when it is put into Him by surrender. If you put yourself, your talents, your time, and your material goods into Him by dedication, then immediately they become alive -- so alive that they become life itself. I have seen dead personalities turn into living personalities the moment they are put in Him. They glory, they shine, they scintillate -- they exude life. Vice versa, I have seen radiant persons in Him step out of Him and in a moment they were rotting persons -- decay had set in. Any talent that isn't used for Him is buried in the earth" and begins to decay.
I spoke to a group of young people who were volunteering for service abroad. They were radiant, but one girl was miserable. She confessed her dilemma: "How can I sacrifice my music to serve people abroad?" Like the rich young ruler, she went away sorrowful. She had already sacrificed her music -- the music within her had died. When she took her talent and herself out of Him and put them into herself, immediately both the self and the talent died. She became a discord trying to be musical. That which had been made became death out of Him." In Christ

I am rotting, Lord. How much life have I lost over the last week+ ? What have I been taking for myself into death? I still don't know, but I certainly know the feeling of it. This is an opportunity for obedience despite feeling, but I keep waiting for the usual indicators of being In Christ and I don't see them. I get the idea that I have a hedge of protection around me because I'm not just totally collapsing under the weight of myself either, and thus far it hasn't seemed to throw a wrench in anything. But I am not experiencing the fullness of what You have to freely offer - harmony, joy, peace, patience, self-control, kindness, goodness, mercy, love, wisdom, purpose...

It occurs to me that I am being oppressed again. My hormones have probably been wacky because of my still strangely fluctuating cycles. But You know that I hate to blame anything on hormones. You are definitely in control of them - they are not a problem for You, and they cannot make me sin. Sinning is MY responsibility. But maybe some spiritual warfare revolving around my excitement to go on a missions trip. Or maybe an attempt to render me useless in an upcoming event I have no idea about.

What should I do if/when I am being oppressed, Lord? How should I pray?

"Almighty God, who hast created us in thine own image: Grant us grace fearlessly to contend against evil and to make no peace with oppression; and, that we may reverently use our freedom, help us to employ it in the maintenance of justice in our communities and among the nations, to the glory of thy holy Name; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who liveth and reigneth with thee and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen."

"O My Father, I have moments of deep unrest -- moments when I know not what to ask by reason of the very excess of my wants. I have in these hours no words for Thee, no conscious prayers for Thee. My cry seems purely worldly; I want only the wings of a dove that I may flee away. Yet all the time Thou has accepted my unrest as a prayer. Thou has interpreted its cry for a dove's wings as a cry for Thee, Thou has received the nameless longings of my heart as the intercessions of Thy Spirit. They are not yet the intercessions of my spirit; I know not what to ask. But Thou knowest what I ask, O my God. Thou knowest the name of that need which lies beneath my speechless groan. Thou knowest that, because I am made in Thine image, I can find rest only in what gives rest to Thee; therefore Thou hast counted my unrest unto me for righteousness, and has called my groaning Thy Spirit's prayer. Amen."

"Surround me with your light, Jesus, and penetrate the very depths of my being with that light. Let there remain no areas of darkness in me or in my family members, but transform our whole being with the healing light of your love. Open me completely to receive your love, Jesus. Thank you for being our family healer and my personal healer."

"Dear Lord and Father of mankind,
Forgive our foolish ways;
Reclothe us in our rightful mind,
In purer lives Thy service find,
In deeper reverence, praise.

Drop Thy still dews of quietness,
Till all our strivings cease;
Take from our souls the strain and stress,
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace.

Breathe through the heats of our desire
Thy coolness and Thy balm;
Let sense be dumb, let flesh retire;
Speak through the earthquake, wind, and fire,
O still, small voice of calm."

"Hide Your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me away from Your presence, and do not take Your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit." Psalms 51:9-12

Your Spirit groans within me, telling You much better than I, exactly what I need. Maybe it's a focal point outside myself. Maybe it's a service. Maybe it's a confession. Maybe something else. Whatever it is, I trust that You will lead me there. I know that Your timing is best and that if I'm simply waiting on Your answer, then Praise Your Name for this waiting time. I will be thankful for Your Sovereignty. I will be thankful for Your future answer, and await with joyful expectation the time for us to rejoice together again. Shine Your radiant light into my heart so that no darkness can dwell there. Leave me to none of my own devices. I want You and You alone. You are my greatest passion, my greatest love. You are holy holy holy, worthy of unspeakable glory. If You were to come here and reveal Yourself as You fully are, I would surely die! My mind's eye cannot possibly fathom the greatness of Your Glory!

My cry this morning is: show Yourself to me! Even in a small way... To see You is to know You more, and to know You is to love You more. I so want to just be wreaking of love! I want to be soaking in it, dripping with it like honey, leaving a trail of it behind me, sticky with it when I touch another's life. Fill me with Your Spirit so that I might live the abundant life that can't help but bring You glory! It's ALL about You, Lord! Not me, not my deeds, not my problems, but YOU. And that's exactly the way it should be.

Self: take a hike. God's coming and there's no room for you.