"But none of these things move me; neither do I esteem my life dear to myself, if only I may finish my course with joy and the ministry which I have obtained from [which was entrusted to me by] the Lord Jesus, faithfully to attest to the good news (Gospel) of God's grace (His unmerited favor, spiritual blessing, and mercy)." Acts 20:24 AMP

"You've all been to the stadium and seen the athletes race. Everyone runs; one wins. Run to win. All good athletes train hard. They do it for a gold medal that tarnishes and fades. You're after one that's gold eternally.I don't know about you, but I'm running hard for the finish line. I'm giving it everything I've got. No sloppy living for me! I'm staying alert and in top condition. I'm not going to get caught napping, telling everyone else all about it and then missing out myself. " 1 Cor 9:24-27 MSG

"When you attempt to live by your own religious plans and projects, you are cut off from Christ, you fall out of grace. Meanwhile we expectantly wait for a satisfying relationship with the Spirit." Gal 5:5 MSG

"THEREFORE THEN, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses [who have borne testimony to the Truth], let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us, Looking away [from all that will distract] to Jesus, Who is the Leader and the Source of our faith [giving the first incentive for our belief] and is also its Finisher [bringing it to maturity and perfection]. He, for the joy [of obtaining the prize] that was set before Him, endured the cross, despising and ignoring the shame, and is now seated at the right hand of the throne of God." Heb 12:1-2 AMP

Lord, I go back and forth with this. I know I should be running a race, but Paul was never pregnant!!! lol I still feel sensitive to Your Spirit within me, but I can't tell if that's just your merciful grace, or residual blessing from being obedient before, or if You really are totally OK with where I'm at. I can't tell if some of those nudgings are You, or my flesh wanting to trap me into rule-following. I want to work with You more on my prayer life, but I feel like I'm wandering around, distracted, and in the dark. The other morning, it was as if You asked me: "Laura, do you love sleep/comfort more than Me?" And I had to answer You "Yes, Lord, I do right now. I know I shouldn't, but I do!" My body is nagging for more rest, but I find myself confused as to whether I'm indulging myself or just responding to the needs of a body that's making a new life. Some people might say "Laura, you're CRAZY! Just do what your body is telling you to do! You're pregnant! God KNOWS that!" But I also know that walking with You, in a disciplined life, is never beyond my capabilities when I lean on and trust in You. So, Lord, am I being lazy, or responsible? Or a little of both?

Will You walk with me, keep me safe, give me strength? I feel WEAK, EXHAUSTED, and UNWORTHY...

Yet I know You love me. You have blessed me with another child! There are a million things to be thankful for, possibly most impressive of which is the distinct whisper of Your voice, the low, steady drumbeat, the challenge set before me, the excitement of the hunt approaching, the swelling of a passion for the unreached, the almost orgasmic (seems like an obscene word to use in a prayer, but nonetheless...) anticipation of the final trumpet and the eruption of Your Magnified Glory in ALL the Earth. Oh, how I love You for giving me a place, a race, a prize - even though I have no idea where, how, and when we will get to the starting line.

So I press on, forgetting about the darkness that clouds my soul, and thinking on all that is You - good, true, noble, praiseworthy, etc - instead. May Your will be done, may Your glory be shown, may Your Name be praised, may Your people worship You. Heap blessings upon the Dayes. Soften my Dad's heart. Shut my mouth. Abide within my husband. Give rest to weary souls. Because You are SOOOOO good. I love You.