So, I've got something weighing heavy on my heart.

What do you do with a friend who seems toxic to you?

I've had them before. I begin to notice that the person brings out the worst in me - the worst feelings, the worst word blunders, sins (like envy, pride, etc)... Finally, the only thing left to do was end it peacefully and quietly.

But I've enjoyed this newer friend. We've had good conversations. Our kids like each other. Our husbands minister together. But over the last several months, it's just gotten worse. She's been warm then (almost) imperceptibly cool toward me. Every time I talk to her, I get flustered. I pray for her and am not upset with her, but I've started to dwell on things that she's said. I've come upon more and more parenting and spiritual living issues we significantly differ on. The ministry our husbands share seems to be a little poisonous between them as well, although I think they both still care a great deal for each other.

I just don't know what to do, Lord.

This reminds me of the feeling I feel after picking up the kids from the YMCA childcare area the other day. I have noticed that the childcare workers do not seem happy to be there, or to receive my children. They traditionally keep the TV on the whole time and they've had discipline issues with Edward the past couple times. The lady who checks us in and out doesn't FEEL like a believer to me (does that make sense?) and definitely doesn't seem to love my family. Something is amiss, I think. Can't put my finger on it, and definitely don't have anything to complain about to the managers. Just a dis-ease.

Is this spiritual oppression, Lord? If so, do I stay and "fight," or do I flee? Is your spirit telling me to get out, or to buck up? Is Satan warring against me so that my friendship, my husband's ministry, and my motivation to get healthy are ruined? Or are you coaching me to make some changes?

I imagine I am a more strategic target for Satan as Michael and I make preparations to go abroad for missions work in Africa. I am SO glad God directed me to some great books on just this subject, that I am back in a bible study, doing daily scripture reading, and in a better place spiritually and in my marriage than I've ever been. I know these aren't coincidences, but provisions for the journey.

What do you have for me, Lord? What are you teaching me? I KNOW I need you - especially your wisdom. Speak to those around me who can speak Your words to me. Speak through the pages of your scripture.