"At the beginning of our life with Jesus Christ, we were sure we knew all there was to know about following Him. It was a delight to forsake everything else and to throw ourselves before Him in a fearless statement of love. But now we are not quite so sure. Jesus is far ahead of us and is beginning to seem different and unfamiliar— "Jesus was going before them; and they were amazed" (Mark 10:32 ).

...The discipline of dismay is an essential lesson which a disciple must learn. The danger is that we tend to look back on our times of obedience and on our past sacrifices to God in an effort to keep our enthusiasm for Him strong (see Isaiah 1:10-11 ). But when the darkness of dismay comes, endure until it is over, because out of it will come the ability to follow Jesus truly, which brings inexpressibly wonderful joy." My Utmost for His Highest

So the days are not all laid out for me in a sunny row with the goal in big flashing lights in the distance so I can fix my eyes on it. Right now, I cannot see the goal, or even the way. I haven't gotten to a crossroads to choose. The choice I have is to wander off into thick darkness or trod gingerly down the darkened path that Jesus illuminates for me as I take each step. It is hidden to me until my right foot leaves the pavement, miraculously stepping on the narrow spot He has just cleared. And that's OK. I don't need to know exactly where I'm headed because I KNOW God is good, He loves me, and He has it all worked out to perfection. It's just that the darkness is lonely. I know His Spirit is within me and guiding me, and I know Jesus is just out of sight up ahead, still making a path for me. Still, the darkness...

Today was MOPS and I was able to hang in there. I remembered to pray so quickly after waking, I confessed and asked to be filled, and I got ready and out the door on time despite waking up late, that I was sure God had answered my plea for Supernatural Power. Just about everything that we could have been presented with happened. But I knew it was so totally out of my hands, that I was beyond worry. I figured if anything at all was going to work, it would be Him. A verse that came to me as I was meditating on the Lord last night doing dishes was "His power is made perfect in my weakness." Praise Your Name Lord!! Glory belongs to Him alone and I surely did not forget it this morning. It was an intense session. We had a singing trio that did an amazing worship song and then 4 of our mentors shared their powerful testimonies. They were sharing things that exposed them. But what they exposed most clearly was God's amazing grace. What blessed creatures we are to receive this gift! And how honored we are to be able to share it!

Father God, I thank You. You are the reason why MOPS even continues to go on. When we are down in leadership numbers and when we despair at what else could possibly need attention, it is so apparent that the only thing that we have to count on is You. Give me Your sweet, merciful grace and then inspire me to give it away to others. Thank You for Your word that is life to me. Thank You that You are answering my prayers to fall more deeply in love with You day by day. Thank You that you are allowing me to go through this time of trial so that I learn for sure that nobody but You can see me all the way through to the other side. Make my paths straight and level and I will trust You. I praise You, Father, for my precious friends who are gifts from You, and for my little boy who sang This is the Day that the Lord has Made all by himself on the way home. It was just the little lift that I needed - yes, You are close, very close. Hug me tight!