"Once we lose sight of God, we begin to be reckless. We cast off certain restraints from activities we know are wrong. We set prayer aside as well and cease having God’s vision in the little things of life. We simply begin to act on our own initiative. If we are eating only out of our own hand, and doing things solely on our own initiative without expecting God to come in, we are on a downward path. We have lost the vision. Is our attitude today an attitude that flows from our vision of God? Are we expecting God to do greater things than He has ever done before? Is there a freshness and a vitality in our spiritual outlook?" My Utmost For His Highest

YES! YES! I expect Him to do amazing things. I'm not yet to the point that I can expect Him to do my greatest desires because I know they don't always line up with His desires for me. When I want what He wants, I can be assured that I can ask Him for "anything" and it will be mine. So yes, I expect Him to do amazing things, but sometimes I think He's doing them on my behalf, not because I asked.

So, Lord, what can I ask for tonight? I already know You're going to give me a great opportunity to glorify Your Name at my reunion in some form or fashion. I know that You will provide us with a dwelling place eventually, but I don't know if my wish list is the same as Yours. I have surrendered my will and gotten OK with being in a small place, but then it seemed You were saying bigger is OK too. Now we have these 2 options and one seems more ideal than the other, but then occasionally it doesn't. I know the stakes are high here. Satan would like to get us to move into a place that is not Your will so he can mess with us. Finances, ministries, and family comfort is at risk. So maybe it's not that we're being confused but that we're just on the way to the house You have prepared and when we get there, we'll know. And that's just fine with me. I want to ask if You could get a family interested in our house and buy it, but that's asking with LACK of faith. For all we know, the family You've chosen to buy our house will come tomorrow!

As for the conversation I just had with Michael, Lord, what do I do? I know that I submit to his leadership, and that's OK with me, but I also know that I'm not a silent partner. He values my input and makes great decisions with the information I give him. Are YOU trying to tell me something here? Are You telling me through him that there are some decisions You're making that take my best interests at heart, but that I won't necessarily immediately agree with? Are You telling me to trust You even when I don't know what lies ahead? I thought we dealt with this yesterday, Lord. What am I grabbing onto now? I let go of so much already. Am I holding onto my "needs" as a wife? Aren't they needs that You made within me? Aren't they true needs and not just desires? I know that You satisfy every need in me, but don't You do that partially through other people (i.e. friends, spouse, family, strangers)? I thought normally You took care of my need for Words of Affirmation through Michael. He's the one besides You who knows me best. But how is it that I need so much affirmation when I just got several nice notes from friends? Am I extra needy because I'm finally grieving the loss of my church family? In that case, it's probably not Michael's fault, is it? But I just keep coming back to "but I've been working so hard to satisfy HIS needs and I haven't seen that same effort on his part!" But I have - I just know he always does it through the HIS Love Language instead of mine. I'm such a rotten wife, Lord. I tell him I want Words but when he gives them to me, I find excuses not to appreciate them (you think I'm pretty? oh - I'm actually feeling icky today - see this pimple? OR you're so thankful for my hard work? yeah - it's just what needed to be done OR you say I'm a wonderful helper? you haven't told me that in weeks - you can't just make up for weeks of neglect in one comment). His Words actually just reveal roots of my sin. Pride, or selfishness, or vanity... Wow, Lord. I'm a mess. I feel like a big ol' hair tangle. Ouch. That hurts. You're pulling.

Dad always combed my hair after baths when I was a girl. He would apply just the right amount of detangler, sit me down in front of his chair, and start very gently and slowly working from the ends to the scalp. It wasn't a pleasant ritual, but it was so much more tolerable than when mom did it. A little later, we got a hair braiding book and he would practice techniques on our hair. He liked to use my hair rather than Melissa's because hers was so thick and slick that anything he did would fall out quickly. My hair is like doll hair, or so mom tells me.

Abba, You are oh so much gentler than any dad could be. You have the perfect Holy Detangler and know just how much to apply to every knot. OK. I'll be submissive and let You work out my mess. If for no other reason than I obviously got myself here, so chances are good I can't get myself back out. Thank You once again for teaching me a lesson BEFORE the lesson began. You have been showing me remedies that "coincidentally" can be used a few hours after I receive them.

I know Louisville is yet another. So scars don't hurt, huh, Lord? Well, You got me there. Evidently Louisville is a wound I'm still bleeding from. I need Your healing touch, Lord. You know I can't fight You long. My life is Yours. I put it in Your hands. I trust You with every tiny little dusty corner, crack, crevice, cranny, nook, alcove, cubbyhole, dent, indentation, recess, and niche. I'd like to think the only places You have yet to visit are places I have yet to rediscover. That's probably not true, but I'm telling You now, Jesus. GET THERE. However long it takes, however painful, however deeply it's hidden or how much it's attached to the core of me. I don't want to walk around bloody. I don't want to have bandages all over me my whole life, either. Bind it all up from head to toe and then I want to let it HEAL. Time I have, patience You'll supply me. I'll sacrifice quick for effective. I'll sacrifice picture perfect appearance for wholeness. Just do it. I hate this sin, I hate these wounds. I'll keep as many scars as You want me to have in order to let people touch and see that You are God. But I don't want festering sores any more. I hate them. I love You. I love Your Son. I love Your Spirit. I love everything about You. You give, You take - blessed be the Name of the Lord. May the Name of the Lord be praised! God's Name be ever blessed. Praise the Name of the Lord. Blessed be the Name of Jehovah. Let the Name of Jehovah be blessed. May Your Name be praised. ¡Bendito sea el nombre del Señor! que l'Eternel soit loué! Sia benedetto il nome dell'Eterno. der Name des HERRN sei gepriesen!