"Young children generally don’t hold grudges. They’ll react to an unpleasant situation, and then let it go. But adults have a tendency to hang on to past hurts. When people act badly toward us, we think they owe a debt for their wrongdoing. We believe they’re obligated to us because of their poor behavior. And it seems only fair to expect some kind of restitution. Unless that occurs, we refuse to forgive.

As Christians, we’re called to a different way of thinking and acting. One that’s consistent with God’s character. He’s a merciful Father who wants His children to show mercy to others. His Son’s life on earth demonstrated how we’re to live. As Jesus hung on the cross, He prayed, “Father, forgive them; for they do not know what they are doing.” God expects us to forgive as Jesus did, regardless of circumstances.

In our humanity, we find this command difficult to carry out. That is, until we start to grasp the extent of Christ’s work on our behalf. The cross made us recipients of a mercy so great it defies the imagination. The Savior took all of our sin upon Himself and died in our place. He experienced the outpouring of God’s wrath so our heavenly Father would forgive us. We deserved condemnation but received God’s mercy instead.

The Holy Spirit enables us to let go of past wrongs and extend mercy to others, just as Christ gave mercy to us. What choice will you make today?" Charles Stanley

I don't think I've been holding grudges, Lord, but then You bring to mind my reunion. Is remembering the character flaws and bad choices of others the same as holding a grudge? In any case, it's keeping a record of wrongs... Not just wrongs people did to me, but wrongs people did to other people. I keep my own list for myself. But I shouldn't. You don't. If I love my neighbor and myself as You do, it would look more like this. And like this. You inspired a musician to pen the lyrics to this song, based on the words of Psalm 103 NIV:

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
In Your sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know You’ve cast my sin as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before You now
As though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You’ve washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
About the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me
You’re holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest (mercy I find rest)
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

(Just how far, the East is from the West, Just how far)
From one scarred hand to the other
(You know just how far, the East is from the West, Just how far)
From one scarred hand to the other
Words and Music by Mark Hall

I need to remember that my classmates may have done a complete turn-around like me, or they could still be struggling with sin. Either way, my job is to love them for who You created them to be, to believe that there is something beautiful in them that You made and can still see through all the stains and sores. Even if I can't see it. It is not my job to bring up past sins and call for repentance unless YOU clearly guide me to do so. It is not for me to get puffed up in my own pride and "righteousness". It is not for me to endlessly scrutinize or compare my life to anyone else's... So what IS left, Father? What IS my calling here? How DO I love at a venue where it seems all those things are the only things to do? How do I share my testimony without saying "I could have ended up like you..."? How do I share hope without sharing the where the end of me began - with a face full of humble pie and embarrassed admittance that what I hated was now what I believed? How do I stay humble and not pridefully self-loathing? Up to now, I guess I had in mind that I'd get there and You'd do the rest. But if I need to think through some hard things and talk through some stories, please press it on my heart to do so. I guess it helps to get the general outline down so that my nerves don't get in the way of Your Spirit! Lead me on. I'm marching!