"When I stand face to face with Jesus Christ and say, "I will not obey," He will never insist. But when I do this, I am backing away from the recreating power of His redemption. It makes no difference to God’s grace what an abomination I am, if I will only come to the light. But "Woe is me" if I refuse the light (see John 3:19-21)." My Utmost For His Highest

I do not dwell in darkness, but I suppose I do prefer some things to stay there. My anger and despair. I don't want to take it out into the light to really look at it. I convince myself that I forget to do so. Which may be true in the conscious sense, but I think subconsciously I wanted it to stay there. Whenever I do "remember" to drag it out and examine it for what it really is, I find it isn't such a mysterious and unchangeable thing. I confess, repent, and pray for help overcoming. What is so difficult about that? It seems the Enemy's favorite tactic with me is to make me think it would be too time consuming and difficult. I like to be lazy.

But he is the Father of Lies, isn't he, Daddy? It's NOT too difficult. A little sunshine, a little humility, and wham bam: my yoke is easy, my burden light! It doesn't take a spiritual guru or a psycho-analyst to figure this stuff out. All wisdom for every situation we would find ourselves in is hidden in Christ and we have access to that through His Spirit. It pleases me that God uncovers what we are ready to learn, as we NEED it, in lessons tailored to our unique life He designed from the beginning of Time! I love organization and it thrills me to think that with every predestined soul, He also had a set of gifts, tools, books, friends, teachers, and plans all lined up, ready to put into action as the perfect times arrived! I can see that part of Him, but I also get a sense that as He looks upon us during our lifetimes, like a Master Painter, He holds us at just the right angle, studies that little thing... there! A little burnt umber, a touch of sepia... whisk, dot... Then stepping back, He has a pleased look on His beautiful face. "My Creation - isn't she marvelous?!?" We still have a lot of touches and dots and maybe some good ol' fashioned rubbing with turpentine! But I am getting more sure of Your approval of me. I know I'm never perfect, but I hope there are times You look and see reflections of perfection in me.

Lord, thank You for a friend today! What a wonderful provision. Please help my children sleep so I can sleep, help my belly heal so I can be back to my mommy capabilities... You know, strike that, Lord. I don't want to be back to my mommy capabilities. Perhaps this break is to remind me that nothing I'm used to doing should be done without You. I have for the most part, mothered as I think I should. But I don't stop to think or pray, and I've gotten spiritually lazy with my children. I confess You're right about that, and I want to repent, turn from that behavior and towards the right behavior. I don't want to guess what that is, so I pray that You guide me step by step. Help me learn to lean on You as I learn to be a mommy at this stage of my life at this stage of my kids' lives. Give me renewed zeal and energy to work with them and to see with Your vision the works of art You are molding them to be. I love You Jesus, Abba, and Spirit. Rest with me now.