Lord, I'm not sure what You have in mind, but I had this weird dream about Beth Moore and glaciers and bible studies and book signing. And I had the distinct feeling that You told me You were going to do a miracle today... Huh?

"Many changes in our lives represent loss, whether as small as the cherished memory of a bus or as large as a destroyed family home, a thwarted dream of success, or the death of a person we’ve deeply loved. In every loss we long for a touch of healing and hope.

The book of Lamentations has been called “the funeral of a city.” In it, Jeremiah mourned the captivity of his people and the destruction of Jerusalem. Yet in the midst of sorrow, there is a celebration of God’s faithfulness: “Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. ‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I hope in Him!’” (Lam. 3:22-24).

When our hearts hurt because of loss, we can find hope in our Lord, who never changes." Our Daily Bread

That reminds me of what we were talking about last night... I'm not sure what You want us to say Sunday for the testimony we're giving, but it's not for lack of options! Thinking through all the changes we've faced in the last year - miscarriage, ectopic pregnancy, the birth of a second child, moving to a new community, new neighborhood, new house, new church, new friends, new ministries and spiritual gifts, living in a hotel and with parents, living closer to extended family, numerous lifestyle changes, new insights from books and bible studies that impact our family, living with 2+ mortgages and utility bills, having more long distance friends, Michael's dad having a heart attack and surgery, job change, etc - it's amazing how faithful You've been. How compassionate and merciful. I hope in You, Lord! Even now as I think about the possibilities of what Your particular miracle might be, my mind flashes to what loss I could sustain and my heart cries "no!" and my mind cringes. Each of those changes represent loss, and it feels like I've had enough lately. But for each loss, I realize that You have blessed us with MORE! Maybe not more of what we LOST, but more of You, more opportunity for personal growth and ministry, more of another thing. Even things like watching an extra child today is a loss of my normalcy, time and energy, but I know that it's gain for those I help, gain for the Kingdom, and that's gain for me. You came through yesterday! The fact that I was so productive and the kids were so good is a miracle in itself!

I'm still not quite there, Lord, but I'll lay it down anyway. I want to make arguments for why You should keep things just like they are, but who am I to think I know better than You?!? Mainly, I'm terrified of what might happen if Michael were to die or become incapacitated. But I know that if You were to do or allow that, You would see us through and bless us with much more that we could imagine. So I lay down my fear and trust in You. But in the meantime, I want to remind You how incredible I think he is! You know my heart, and the Spirit can groan for me. As for anything else - the house, my kids, etc - boy. Not easy. My mind easily focuses on the damages and not the gains. I would praise You, still, Lord. Nothing that happens within Your will is something that I cannot praise You for.

So, Father, do Your miracle! Hopefully it's one that is immediately obvious and totally good, but even if it's not, I'll be excited to see Your work! I want to say "how can I help?" but though I sometimes feel like Your partner, I'm not. Not even close! I'm still basking in the privilege of being Your servant! Thank You for allowing me to serve You, Lord! Just the tiniest, most mundane jobs, thankless tasks, and daily chores should be my greatest joy because they are the work You allot me. I regret that I often take their importance and holy purpose for granted. I often forget the bigger picture and Your perspective. So I praise You, Lord, for the ability to scrub my toilets, change those diapers, discipline my children, make dinner, pay bills, shower and dress, get the mail... What percentage of the world even HAS toilets, diapers, children free enough to need discipline, food, utilities to pay bills for, hot water and soap, nice clothes, and reading skills? How RICH we are!!!

I love You, Lord. You are the best Daddy EVER :).