But what it sounds like Chambers is saying here, Lord, is that You don't direct Your voice at any of us. That we kind of "catch wind" of Your specific callings and then offer our services... Is that true? It doesn't SEEM true, considering You have some specific purposes in mind for each of us. If it was a general "almost anyone will do" kind of job, or an "everyone should do this" kind of occupation, then sure. But You made us special to do the specialized ministries You had in mind for us to do. I do like the idea that we are willing volunteers. I definitely believe that's true. You don't force us in any way. Our opportunities depend on our attitude of hearing and obeying. But it's almost as if Chambers was saying that You're up in Heaven's Board Room over every issue that needs dealt with and we're simply overhearing Your conversations... Why would You choose to talk to Your angels in meetings rather than us - directly? It is of course possible, through Your Spirit, for us to receive precise instructions. It just seems impersonal and ineffective to do it the other way...?
Although, I suppose if You were to talk to one particular person for each particular job to be done, what would happen if that particular person wasn't listening today? Would You then have to wait or go to another person for that same job? At least if You announced it for us to overhear (and then the Holy Spirit enabled each person to hear the call according to how it related to their skill and gift sets personally), You'd only have to do it once. Which of course would be more effective and efficient. Hmmm...
OK, on to other things. I feel pretty empty today, Lord. Full of my Self Stuff, but empty of You. I don't even know what all is rumbling around in my head. Pregnancy, finances, the Strahleys, Saturday night, Cara's sister, Sherri plans, doctor's appointment, To Do items, the bareness of the house without Christmas decorations, my tiredness, the odd, slight feeling of distance between M and I, impatience with the kids, a busy busy week ahead, where are my bible memory cards?, when will my planner and M's cam nuts come in?, when will I be able to get this desk sorted and cleaned?, and a million other insignificant things that I've taken on because I haven't given them up to You.
Why is it that I can't just BELIEVE You and then KEEP believing You? Why do I have to constantly give it back? Why do I reach for it again at all? Will this ever get any easier? Will I drive myself crazy before it does?!?
But it's not Laura's Pity Party today. It is (like every other day) a Day of Praise to You. And I will choose to give You glory instead of wallow in my ugliness.
"For the rest, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is worthy of reverence and is honorable and seemly, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely and lovable, whatever is kind and winsome and gracious, if there is any virtue and excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think on and weigh and take account of these things [fix your minds on them].
Practice what you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, and model your way of living on it, and the God of peace (of untroubled, undisturbed well-being) will be with you." Phil 4:8-9 AMP
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