"Jesus demonstrated giving through his healing, his teaching, and the ultimate gift of his life. Love was the motivator of all that he did. We, too, can love others by giving of our talents, time, and material possessions. Jesus promised in Luke 6:38 that in whatever measure we give, God will give back to us. Our giving doesn't have to be in large quantities. God blesses even the small things that we do for others." Upper Room

Michael and I love to give our surplus. When we find ourselves with extra in the budget, we pray about who we can gift it to. We love to host families for dinner. Michael loves to give of his time and expertise with home computer issues. We generally give our time and talents well - both staying very busy with fellowship and service activities throughout the week. But we're not doing so hot on giving our material possessions generously, whenever we learn of a need. I feel tugged a lot. Sensing something that I want to do, but reminding myself that we have 2 mortgages and therefore, a very tight budget. Michael is more than willing to sit down and talk about what to do about anything that we can "afford", but he feels a huge responsibility to make sure we don't give what the spreadsheet says we don't have. I appreciate that. Very much, in fact. I think I'd rather have it that way than have a Big Spender who was always endangering us financially.

BUT. I feel like we're limiting You, Lord. I feel like we're counting on the fact that You WON'T multiply our resources. I feel like we've taken some faith out of our finances. I've been given several wonderful gifts lately. Unexpected gifts. And You have reminded me that giving is most definitely of You. Now I realize that there are lots of ways to gift people that don't cost much money. But if someone needs money, they need money! Honestly, I really don't think Michael is on a (much) different page than I am. I think his heart is right. I think if I brought him every situation as a matter of prayer and consideration, I believe that he would consider it prayerfully. So maybe this is totally about me and not at all about him. Maybe my heart isn't right.

All I know is that I have not felt very generous lately, I feel financially strapped, and I feel a lack of faith in Your provision. I love the idea of Michael starting a side business because I think he would be excellent at it, it would bring in extra income, and he would be a Light for You. But I wonder whether we should be feeling like it's impossible to meet our budget needs otherwise. And I'm a little worried about the extra time it would take him away from home.

So, evidently, I'm a ball of sin in this realm, then, Lord! I confess each of those sins to You. I ask You to increase my faith in Your provision. Whether that means more prayer in that area, more scripture reading, more conversations with Michael, etc. I pray that You ease whatever tension Michael feels in this area. I tell him all the time how great a provider he is. He REALLY is. I don't want him to feel like a failure in any way. Guard him against any covetousness, greed, worry, lack of faith, etc. about our money. Help our unbelief! We'd love to be able to give generously! And it shouldn't really depend on what we feel we can "afford" to give. It's hard to make a distinction between budget items and items for prayer. But maybe that's it. Maybe we haven't been praying enough (at all?) about our budget... Hmm...

Regardless, Lord, thank You for being a generous giver! The Giver of all good things! You give us so much to be thankful for! We really are thankful. Forgive me for whatever covetousness, greed, worry, and lack of faith I have had over our money. Increase my faith! Help my unbelief! I empty myself so that You can fill me with You. May You love GG and Megan through me today. It's not all about me, Lord. I want to be a good listener, slow to speak, quick to forgive, thinking about whatever is right, holy, healthy, etc. Such an impossibly huge discipline. I can't possibly do anything of worth, keep my raging tongue under control, or love others. I can't do anything good myself. But YOU can do it through me! I love You, Father. You are so good.