"God is not concerned about our plans; He doesn’t ask, "Do you want to go through this loss of a loved one, this difficulty, or this defeat?" No, He allows these things for His own purpose. The things we are going through are either making us sweeter, better, and nobler men and women, or they are making us more critical and fault-finding, and more insistent on our own way. The things that happen either make us evil, or they make us more saintly, depending entirely on our relationship with God and its level of intimacy. If we will pray, regarding our own lives, "Your will be done" (Matthew 26:42), then we will be encouraged and comforted by John 17, knowing that our Father is working according to His own wisdom, accomplishing what is best. When we understand God’s purpose, we will not become small-minded and cynical. Jesus prayed nothing less for us than absolute oneness with Himself, just as He was one with the Father. Some of us are far from this oneness; yet God will not leave us alone until we are one with Him— because Jesus prayed, ". . . that they all may be one . . . ."" My Utmost For His Highest

So I obeyed You yesterday, but didn't get anywhere that I noticed. I don't know if my obedience has delayed ramifications or if I did it wrong. I'll trust that You would have given me an urge to speak bluntly if You wanted me to.

I have been learning about appearances these last few months, Jesus. Today I drove by the house and the brick they are laying is (from my vantage point) definitely NOT the color we chose. I had this sinking feeling and thought to myself "oh no! every time I drive up to our new house, I'll be thinking 'I wish this was the color we wanted!'" What a brat I am! Previous to that, I had driven by, pridefully congratulating us on picking the best color in the neighborhood. So there You go, Lord. I guess You nipped that one in the bud awfully quickly, didn't You?!? But it's SO GOOD to see You working in me daily, Holy Spirit! It is so true that once I started looking for You to speak to me, You have been! I see You all over the place and I talk to the Lord more at random times throughout the day, too, because of it. I hadn't considered that one of the hindrances to continual prayer is just not being aware of the Presence of God. I knew I had that issue as well, but it seemed that continual prayer would be the remedy, not the other way around.

So how did it happen? Well, first and foremost, the Lord had me at the place He wanted me to be - He deemed me ready. Most likely not through any particular thing I did but because as I moved through the discipleship "program" He has custom-designed for me, we just came to that phase. I am still hashing it out, becoming familiar with recognizing the tone of His voice and the Words He uses in communication, having new revelations of His signature in different areas of my life.

Here's a tangent: Getting more comfortable with the idea that He sees me when I use the bathroom, take a shower, pick my nose, etc. Not only can the Father and Son see me during these delicate moments, but the Holy Spirit is inhabiting my BODY that is doing such things. It's hard to reconcile the idea of my "right to privacy" with God's omnipresence. What does God find gross or ugly? I know that He instituted marriage and made our bodies to work certain ways, but is this a second best because we're on earth? I don't see evidence that we will have sex in Heaven (with no marriage), and somehow I can't imagine needing to eliminate waste there, either. Will we even have boogers? Sweat? Will we have pimples? No tears and no disease, but what about bacteria? If some things are erradicated when we cross over, does that make them icky on this side? It doesn't seem so...

Perhaps it's a matter of the primary purpose behind the thing in question. Sex was mandated to produce children and to seal the spiritual bond between spouses. Obviously, neither are needed in Heaven. Excretion is to get rid of waste materials in the body - something I doubt will be around in Heaven. Bacteria clean up waste from other animals, which we've taken care of already. And on and on. So that makes sense. But then what are we to think about God witnessing these acts which must take place because we live in the world? What are we to think, Father?

I think He's telling me that there is a line between what my culture tells me is embarrassing and what God might tell me. If I feel guilty about something I'm doing when I think about God watching, I need to determine which side of the line I'm currently on and which side that activity is taking me.

Father, I want to be aware of Your presence all the time! I want to be surrounded by You like a wall on all sides. Hemmed in, behind and before. I don't want to do the things that would make me embarrassed for You to see. The self-control that comes through the Spirit is like a well-protected field where I can finally feel the freedom to run unchained through the bountiful land You've given me! Being in Your will is so liberating! I don't quite know the words to use to express how grateful I am that Your Son's bloody death on the cross allowed it to be so. For You to sacrifice such a perfect child for me, I am overcome with humility...
"Then said I, Woe is me! For I am undone and ruined, because I am a man of unclean lips, and I dwell in the midst of a people of unclean lips; for my eyes have seen the King, the Lord of hosts!"
AMEN.